pinasfs: (Default)
( May. 6th, 2024 11:50 pm)
hi so this will be a very long post because i have autism in honor of this song (this post is literally just my interpretation of the song golden by fall out boy :sob:)

i have interpreted this song before, but the only thing that really stayed the same was my view of the lyric: 'and i knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me.' in the perspective of the writer, the "lights of the city" are the weight of fame. i especially believe this because infinity on high in its entirety is written about fall out boy's self awareness about/coping with their fame. so 'carrying' the lights of the city/carrying karats is like carrying the weight of being famous and what it did to fall out boy. back to the intro of the song, 'how cruel is the golden rule? when the lives we lived are only golden-plated?' the golden-plated lyric is like realising that the 'golden rule' is just a hollow moral (the golden rule in question is 'treat others how you want to be treated') and that people only utilise it in a manipulative way to get what they want. so it's like 'how cruel is it that the lives we lived were only manipulative?' then we have 'and i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies,' if you are looking at your enemy, the reflection in your enemy’s eyes is you. so it's really just god crying about his mistake of a human. going back to the other lyrics, it could be about how god is upset about the way the writer has become with fame. like he became selfish/arrogant and a bad person with fame. and the lyric is looking back on it in remorse. 'and all the lovers with no time for me,' essentially means to me that since he became selfish after being consumed by fame. then all of that ties into the 'and all of the mothers raise their babies to stay away from me (and pray they don't grow up to be me,' which is the 'mothers' in question raising their babies to not be like him, ie. self-consumed and arrogant. then we have 'tongues on the sockets of electric dreams, when the sewage of youth drowned the spark of my teens," which is like being obsessed with the idea of fame/being a star until you have it in your hands and you realise it doesn't chalk up to everything you thought it'd be. and you realise that you wasted your youth with that ideology and your spark is no longer aflame.
pinasfs: (Default)
( Apr. 23rd, 2024 06:10 pm)
here is my little love letter to this song (autistic......)

dear golden,
let me start this letter by telling you this–words are incapable of describing how much i love you. you are my everything. you're my favorite sound in the whole world. i'm so in love with you and it's kind of bad but i just need to get these feelings out. everything about you is amazing. you make me cry in the best way possible. you've gotten me through so much and you've been with me all the way through every up and down. i have your lyrics on my wall. i listen to you twenty-four hours a day, everyday. i just need to hear you all the time. you're my comfort song. you're essence of my soul. if you listen close enough and put your ear to my chest; like one of those seashells, you can hear the sounds of a piano and patrick stump gracing your ears with the words: 'how cruel is the golden rule?' i physically cannot explain how much i love you. you mean the world to me and i honestly can't think of anyone or anything i've loved more. there's so many songs that i love and cherish, but you, you're always on repeat. barely any of those songs mean a quarter as much as what you do to me. they almost all pale in comparison to you. i mindlessly sing along to you when i'm doing the chores. or when i'm at school. when i'm washing my hands. you're constantly on repeat in my head. i love you so, so much, golden.
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pinasfs: (Default)
( Apr. 20th, 2024 03:49 pm)
i wrote this after my friends made me feel kinda left out :/ feeling very silly today as always but we thug it out for real <\3

finding your people
is like finding clothing
you find a color
or a pattern you like
you try it on and hope it fits
some shirts do not fit
and some fit when you try them
but you eventually
will grow out of some.
and some will not fit at all
but you won't realise until
you've bought them already
sometimes i feel like a red shirt
in a sea of white shirts
but that's okay
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pinasfs: (Default)
( Apr. 11th, 2024 07:27 pm)
i find that i write a lot of poetry about the same person. i think i should stop that (like right now that would be very kewl) two poems to day !!

you are the scent after the rain
the blood flowing through my veins
there's nobody else
but you and me against the world
it's a sad realisation
to know i'm in love with our memories
and not really you
but what does it matter when you're here
with me again?


when i fell in love with you
it was the adventure of a lifetime
talking for hours
we were inseperable
you were always with me
in every corner of this town
and i'll never go somewhere
without hearing your words
in my head
like a knife to the heart
you destroyed me
in the most graceful way imaginable
it's hard to forget you
when you gave me
so many memories to remember
and when you left
i finally understood
why hurricanes
were named after people
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pinasfs: (Default)
( Apr. 8th, 2024 06:23 pm)
here is two poems i wrote to day !! wow! small tw: sh :/ again pls know there is someone out there who cares if ur struggling:((

"the saint of sinners" 04/08/24
your words,
they are like the edge of a knife–
sweet relief, but you know it'll hurt you anyways.
you're the personification
of euphoria
realising everything you've done to me
is like coming down from the high
go ahead
try to take back what you said
but deep down, i will always know,
i will always remember

untitled, 04/08/24
i am never the poem
yet always the poet
why might this be?
sometimes i stare at the ceiling
thinking maybe
someone,
and someday
will want me.
i am just hopelessly hopeful
that there is a soul in the world
as hopelessly hopeful
to love someone like me.
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pls do not read if you struggle with SH or find topics similar to it triggering !! pls know that there is people who care about u and love u if u are struggling;( thank u

suddenly i feel very alone. i feel like a poser. am i really trans? who am i? what am i? is this all i am? is this all i ever will be, whatever this is? i feel almost no dysphoria for my chest. but my voice. my face. does this mean i am not real? that i'm just... something? not trans? there are so many questions that i do not have the answer to. i am also deathly afraid of life. of the boys and girls that will laugh at me for being who i am. i am so so so scared. terrified. (ex's name) will be horrified. i will be horrified. everyone will hate me and i will have nobody, nobody, and nothing, nothing but all of these words that have been bottled up inside me, pouring out one by one every time someone throws down the bottle. and the razors, the glass, the knives. i will end up dead for being who i am. is this what the world has come to? is this what the world is? i don't know anymore. i am terrified of this town, this horrible place. i would rather be alone forever than be berated every day. i would rather hang. i would rather anything than what is coming for me. but why do i want to do it anyways?
pinasfs: (Default)
( Apr. 7th, 2024 10:30 pm)
im in a mood:P

you are everything i've been waiting for and then some.
you are better than anything
and anyone i couldve dreamed of.
you can tell me anything, everything you want
and i will listen. you're just angelic.
you're poetic, your words are the most beautiful i've ever heard.
i'm so, so insanely lucky
that you grace me with the presence of them.
say anything, anything at all, and i will listen.

this makes me sad, because it was not really written for nobody in particular:\. it's really very much something i hope to get to tell someone. but i don't know yet if i will live to do it.
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pinasfs: (Default)
( Apr. 6th, 2024 06:02 pm)
it keeps me awake at night
that i want to hold you
and keep your body close to mine
but everytime i try to think of you
the thought of them
always comes back
and it haunts me that i miss them
that i love them
the memory of their love for me
is still somewhere in my heart
and i wish i could find it
crumple it up and throw it away
it consumes my mind
that i want to love you
but i'm still chained to them
my entire body is shackled to theirs
and they just won't let go

this one is kind of sad i wrote it on marchc 7th it doesnt have a title but also about 2 people ( one of them is the one i wrote i pledge allegiance to the flag of hypocrisy for ) feelign silly!! anyways im gonna write about a few tjings

i feel so like wrong in the world like i have no place here. it is genuinely so scary walking around school where you have to constantly watch ur back so u dont get jumped just for being who u are. like i'm so tired of life shi is getting so bad i'm not letting it on even to my closest friends js how fucking horrendous i have felt since january. like my life is #fallingapart :P.
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